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Non-mom here too! Dh and I are childfree by choice, but we have an energy packed dog! Her name is Koda, that is her in my avatar! I have been "collecting" stamps (buying many, but not using them!! )for about many years, but just started getting into stamping the past couple years.
That's an interesting point, but does anyone know what the numbers are (for divorce rates) when they are broken up into couples that have kids and those that don't? I'll have to look that up. I don't think people get a divorce because they have kids. In fact, I think people who probably would have divorced anyway, stay together because they have kids (at least for as long as they can take it!).
I don't think kids are usually the direct reason for divorce, either, but rather the stresses of a marriage that are often compounded by having children.
There are only 4 states that actually keep track of divorce rates, so data is skewed to those states, but Colorado is one of them, which is where I live. Statistically, no one can agree on the true rate. But the reasons seem to hold true across the board: lack of comunication, financial problems, and infidelity are the three most common reasons given by divorcing couples.
I know from first-hand experience that children can be part of the problem in a marriage. Not directly, but partly. They divorced because of money problems and an inability to agree on how to deal with money. Let's face it, raising a child is expensive. The added stress of having to provide for 3 instead of 2 created some monetary issues for them. My dad wanted to live the same life they had led before my birth, which included buying a new car every 2 years, living in an expensive well-furnished home, and eating out nearly every night. They could no longer do those things when they had a child to feed and clothe.
I fear divorce. When I was little I swore I would never get married and have children so I wouldn't hurt anyone the way my mom and I hurt when my dad left. That experience has left a very big impression, and because of it, I work hard at my marriage. I think we would be good parents, so good that I have little doubt we'd spend the bulk of our time with our child doing the things you do with them. But I also think we'd be living our lives for that child, and not for each other and our marriage.
I think it's great that you and your husband are able to steal moments together and make a point to do so, but you are in the minority of those I know who have kids. Most of my friends who have kids either complain about their husbands constantly, or never speak of them at all. Just the kids. My very good friend who is and awesome mom has already told me several times that when her youngest goes to college, she's going to leave her husband. It makes me sad that she is so miserable with him, but can't imagne trying to raiise her kids alone, so she stays and puts up with him.
I'm 34, single, no kids, one spoiled rotten boxer. I'd like to find the right person for me, but I don't plan on having children. I don't really like them very much. <shrug>
You're a teacher and you don't like kids?? Random! ;)
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I am married but no kids either! Been married since December 2003....I've been stamping for 6 years and scrapping for 4. Maybe we'll plan for a family later! I'm 25 too
Quamecia'
I'm 25 years old and married - almost 3 years, no kids...only time will tell! We've got other priorities in our life right now. Things that if/when we decide to have children, will allow us to better provide for them.
Just to clarify, my concern is not that you all are not happy, but that at the end of your life, you might look back and regret not having kids. And I use the word "regret" with some hesitation, for lack of a better word. Not that it's a reason in itself to have kids, or that I'm trying to pursuade anyone here to have kids. I just wonder if, at some point later on, you might wonder, "What if?"
I would rather that people at the end of their life regret not having children, than to regret that they DID.
My husband and I were childless by choice for almost 10 years. Then the decision was reversed FOR us. Voila! My daughter is now nearly 4 years old and I love her more than I could ever express.
Still, I was happy before her and had a different set of dreams and goals for myself. Those are put aside now to focus on giving her the best possible start in life so that her dreams can come true. It's hard to give up my own long-term wishes but I know I have to switch gears and reprioritize.
If I could go back in time 5 years and I didn't know what I was missing, I might like to do that. But now - knowing Connie and how much fun we have together and how she has made me become a better person - I don't think I could go back. Still, one is plenty for me!
None for me yet either. I'm 29 (just turned last week and still coming to terms with it) and have been married for 6. I had a change of heart about having kids and have been TTC for 10 months. In another few I will be looking into adoption.
__________________ Sarah CAS Challenge Spring 2013 Design Team Member Visit my blog
Yes, I am a non-mom stamper. Married 8 years and have a spoiled rotten dog named Floppy. I love stamping and scrapping, I have a girly-girl neice age 7 who is the subject of many of my scrapbook pages.
Non-mom here too! Dh and I are childfree by choice, but we have an energy packed dog! Her name is Koda, that is her in my avatar! I have been "collecting" stamps (buying many, but not using them!! )for about many years, but just started getting into stamping the past couple years.
That's just like me -- except I have been collecting scrapbooking stuff for a long while now and have yet to scrapbook anything!
I'm hoping to get started by doing our recent trip to Peru. I will look to your example for motivation!
Hello! I'm 39, married and we have no kids. I just started with SU this spring and just love it. Like others in this thread, I don't have time for everything in my life. I can't imagine doing all the stuff I do, with kids around!
Celina
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I'm married, but no kids. I'm only 26 (as of yesterday), and just finished my master's degree program, so I want to teach a few years before we have any children.
I'm newly married with no kids... unless you can consider my husband a kid!!
__________________ Julia Gluten free on 9/15/2008. I am a Celiac. 1 in 133 Americans is a Celiac and 97% of those who have Celiac Disease are still undiagnosed. Are you one?
Wow 5 PAGES that certainly was a lot of reading. I've been with my DH for almost 8 years, of that married for almost 5 (08/26), 28 years young....for the time being I am a non-mom preoccuiped with many sets of feet. That's two horses, two dogs, and two cats, what I considered my pampered pets that is.
Let me first off say to those that are mothers by choice and determination GOOD FOR YOU!!! I believe that there is a certain type of person that makes a good mother/father, I also don't think that people should have kids just because they feel they 'HAVE' too. TRUST ME......I WORK AT A YOUTH DETENTION FACILITY! These kids are the product of their environment. I agree that people need to give it A LOT of thought before they truly decide that is the path they need to travel. The idea of birth control in the water is a FANTASTIC idea...I wonder if congress would go for it?
I also want to say that for a very long time I swore that I didn't want kids, right now I am at a stage in my life where I really do want them. I haven't been TTC for an exceptionally long time (three months...i know i'm not patient) but I can understand ones frustration to not getting preggie when they want too.
I feel that for the person that would really want kids and couldn't or having to give it more time shouldn't be brushed off with a 'GET OVER IT', for non-moms think of it as having to wait SUPER LONG to get your Stampin Up order or maybe NEVER getting it...I mean that is very simplified but that would be the easiest way to describe it.
I suppose to close it, I would say a few things:
1. Mothers that have kids shouldn't be pressuring those that don't want them or presume that they have some kind of disease because they don't have any.
2. Non-moms shouldn't be disgusted (<---lack of a better word) when they see a family or a mother with her kids, afterall she chose to be there and for her that works.
3. Those that aren't ready to have kids; and are just because they feel they have too (age, family obligations, woman's duty whatever) my goodness please I beg of you DON'T.....while it may mean job security for me, I would rather find a different line of work.
Other than that, that's my two cents;
Angie
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Last edited by CLYDEGIRL; 07-27-2005 at 05:55 PM..
[QUOTE=CLYDEGIRL]
2. Non-moms shouldn't be disgusted (<---lack of a better word) when they see a family or a mother with her kids, afterall she chose to be there and for her that works.[quote]
Angie, Angie, Angie. You've gone and made me get on here again and I thought I had nothing more to add. Way far above in this thread, which you obviously just read, I stated that when I see a PG mom with a stroller and toddlers, I would say to myself, "There, but for the grace of God go !" Angie, that's not disgust! That's absolute relief that I didn't end up in the same situation. I've got breeder hips, girl, and that was my future till I decided to do something about it. Other than that, I have no problem with your very valid and good points.
Oh, and Yva, go bother someone else, please! (Now, I'm for it. Oh, well!)
No rugrats here!!! I hate that as "stampers" we get branded as minivan driving, SAHM's....
Hey! I resent that comment! What's wrong with minivan driving SAHM?? I am a SAHM to 2 kids, and I am so grateful for it!! We were married almost 7 yrs before dd was born, and during that time, dh & I swore under oath to never, ever get a minivan. We hated them. Boy, times have changed. A year & a half after dd came along, we sold our Suburban & got an Odyssey (for those of you that don't know, that's a Honda minivan). We love it!! It's so much easier to get the kids in/out of it, and we won't even talk about the better gas mileage.
Oh, and by the way, I did not become a mom and then a stamper. I've been stamping for 18 years!
A year & a half after dd came along, we sold our Suburban & got an Odyssey (for those of you that don't know, that's a Honda minivan). We love it!! It's so much easier to get the kids in/out of it, and we won't even talk about the better gas mileage.
Not for me. Love love love my convertible Bug. Love it mostly because there is really only room for 2. Can't imagine ever wanting/needing something so big.
Hey! I resent that comment! What's wrong with minivan driving SAHM?? I am a SAHM to 2 kids, and I am so grateful for it!! We were married almost 7 yrs before dd was born, and during that time, dh & I swore under oath to never, ever get a minivan. We hated them. Boy, times have changed. A year & a half after dd came along, we sold our Suburban & got an Odyssey (for those of you that don't know, that's a Honda minivan). We love it!! It's so much easier to get the kids in/out of it, and we won't even talk about the better gas mileage.
Oh, and by the way, I did not become a mom and then a stamper. I've been stamping for 18 years!
Nothing wrong with a minivan. I swore I would never get one either, haven't yet, but thinking it will be my next lease. I have a Trailblazer and love it, but extra seats are looking real tempting. I have two little angle loves in my life!
Single till October and plan to have kids when it happens. If someone doesn't want kids who cares, it's their choice. You shouldn't push them to , pity them or harp on them because they don't. I like how SCS has a SAHM shirt but what about those oif us that don't have kids?
Single till October and plan to have kids when it happens. If someone doesn't want kids who cares, it's their choice. You shouldn't push them to , pity them or harp on them because they don't. I like how SCS has a SAHM shirt but what about those oif us that don't have kids?
Good point Colleen! Can we think of another acronym for a shirt for ourselves? How about Stamp Anywhere, Now Even (SANE)?
Been married 22 years to same DH. No kids... wished upon a time that we had kids, but God did not bess us with any. We have 17 nieces and nephews between us that we like to spoil. We are also our community's 4H leaders, we have 25 kids in the club this year. So every year the number of kids we have changes, because I would take anyone of them in a heart beat if needed.
OK, I'm another one - DH & I, plus 4 kitties (ranging in age from 1-11) and some fish. We decided not to have kids - love the nephew (and I'm sure we'll love the neices and nephews to come) but they're not for us. However, I loved my Tupperware Minivan when I had it and now we have a Volvo Station wagon - it's just so comfy & pracitcal.
I'm glad to read that there are others out here too...
Met my DH in '75 when I was definitely not looking (very bad 1st) & he's been hanging around ever since. Lots of nieces/nephews & now great nieces/ nephews & a furbaby (Abbycat). We didn't do the 'kid' thing - probably because of all the times I heard "just wait until you have kids". I was the aunt who would give a 2 year old their very own chocolate ice cream cone, let them stay up late watching movies with me, let them swim in their b'day suit (when no one else around),etc.
SantaKitty
I just ahd to join in again on this thread.
I was going along in my life thinking I would get married, have kids, etc..Then at age 29 I met the man of my dreams, only he was 15 yrs older, divorced and had just become a grandfather. He did not want to be a father again! We had many discussions about getting married etc and I had to do some real soul searching about knowing he did not want any more kids.
I come from a large family (8 kids) and my mom is a great mom - she wanted more kids if you can believe it.
Anyway, we just celebrated our 17 year anniversary and I couldn't be happier. I was always afraid that I might miss being a mom, but it hasn't happened yet.
I think if you want kids - go for it! But if you don't, we should not be made to feel wierd, selfish, etc. I have absolutely no regrets..
Wow...this has been a long read. I'm so sorry that most of you have been ridiculed or made to feel badly because of your choice in not having kids. I'm glad that you have thought long and hard about this decision and as some have stated earlier...I wish others would have thought harder about this decision.
I'm a mom with 2 boys under the age of four but I'm also 40 years old so I was single with no children for many years. I'm also a teacher by trade and have seen it all. Parents who have basically starved their children in all areas of development..it's horriable what some children out there have to go/gone through. And some people just should not be parents. I'm glad you all have made a good choice for you and your husband and on something that works for your marriage or for you individually. I just wish others would not have 'judged' you so. But, I understand...we've only been married for 8 years and I was asked all those same kinds of stupid questions about "oh, gee, are you still single..what's wrrong with you??" Been there. It sucks!
I also want to jump in and support Yva. I love being mom.....but it doesnt' come without it's challenges and what you all have seen happens when you have kids. Life changes in some respects. BUT, I do want to suggest some thoughts to you and for you to pass along to your friends with kids. My husband and I read an amazing book called On Becoming Baby Wise (I forget the author...get on Amazon, it's there). The basis of the book is that baby joins an already esablished relationship...baby does not RUN that relationship and the world does not revolve around BABY. My husband and I still have our identities, our hobbies, our relationships...yes, they might get interruped a few times, but I am still me and we are still WE. OUr dates might consist of swinging on the swingset in the back yard while the boys are in bed..but, hey, we love to swing and love our time togheter. Our boys are not perfect, but are disciplined and well behaved.....and yes, we have those occasional meltdowns when eating out, or shopping. I can certainly see both sides of the fence...neither side being right or wrong. I wish you all could be treated better by those around you who have made ugly comments, and I wish that some of you (not all) would see parenting more for the joys rather than for the pain in the rear that it might be...and heck, parenting 2 boys at the age of 40 is not easy. I'm stinkin' TIRED! I also run a daycare in our home and see lots of kids who are left in my care for over 10 hours a day. I'm happy to have them here and love and care for them, but I"m happy that I can be mom and be home with my boys and parent my children rather than having someone else do that for all those hours. That brings up another debate that was mentioned above about SAHM and working moms...again, I see both sides of the fence and the only shoes WE are walking in are our OWN and it's sad when people try to make decisions or say mean things when they are not walking in the other persons shoes.
Anyway, hugs to you girls who have been hurt by your choice to not have kids and hugs to you girls who want to be moms but aren't, and hugs to us who work hard everyday for our kids (and other's kids) God Bless us One and ALL!!!!!
I love reading all the teachers' comments. I too taught high school and told my students they were the best form of birth control. After dealing with 150 needy kids yelling "Mrs. Hoadley! Mrs. Hoadley!" all day, the thought of children exhausted me more.
Then my husband finished grad school and I was faced with going back to school to get "permanent" certification (What a crock! I can teach for four years, then I'm suddenly not qualified anymore?) My colleagues with their apathy for their students and rabid union mentality (which means "don't do more than me or you'll make me look bad") drove me nuts. Someone actually screamed at me in the office for volunteering to coach the Quizbowl team! I loved my students, but dreaded leaving my classroom and encountering the adults.
We decided to start our family then. It was easy to leave a job that made me mad on a daily basis. But we had to take a financial hit, bought a small house, and really cut back. Now my DS is 6, and we've decided we can afford to have another one, both financially and stamina-wise.
I know several couples who have chosen to postpone or not have children all together. The comments they get are ridiculous! They're made out to be selfish freaks.
If you don't want children, good for you! Enjoy your life. It is a peaceful one.
Nicely said, Bethhartley! Great points of view, for us all. I think you've summed it up quite nicely!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bethhartley
Wow...this has been a long read. I'm so sorry that most of you have been ridiculed or made to feel badly because of your choice in not having kids. I'm glad that you have thought long and hard about this decision and as some have stated earlier...I wish others would have thought harder about this decision.
I'm a mom with 2 boys under the age of four but I'm also 40 years old so I was single with no children for many years. I'm also a teacher by trade and have seen it all. Parents who have basically starved their children in all areas of development..it's horriable what some children out there have to go/gone through. And some people just should not be parents. I'm glad you all have made a good choice for you and your husband and on something that works for your marriage or for you individually. I just wish others would not have 'judged' you so. But, I understand...we've only been married for 8 years and I was asked all those same kinds of stupid questions about "oh, gee, are you still single..what's wrrong with you??" Been there. It sucks!
I also want to jump in and support Yva. I love being mom.....but it doesnt' come without it's challenges and what you all have seen happens when you have kids. Life changes in some respects. BUT, I do want to suggest some thoughts to you and for you to pass along to your friends with kids. My husband and I read an amazing book called On Becoming Baby Wise (I forget the author...get on Amazon, it's there). The basis of the book is that baby joins an already esablished relationship...baby does not RUN that relationship and the world does not revolve around BABY. My husband and I still have our identities, our hobbies, our relationships...yes, they might get interruped a few times, but I am still me and we are still WE. OUr dates might consist of swinging on the swingset in the back yard while the boys are in bed..but, hey, we love to swing and love our time togheter. Our boys are not perfect, but are disciplined and well behaved.....and yes, we have those occasional meltdowns when eating out, or shopping. I can certainly see both sides of the fence...neither side being right or wrong. I wish you all could be treated better by those around you who have made ugly comments, and I wish that some of you (not all) would see parenting more for the joys rather than for the pain in the rear that it might be...and heck, parenting 2 boys at the age of 40 is not easy. I'm stinkin' TIRED! I also run a daycare in our home and see lots of kids who are left in my care for over 10 hours a day. I'm happy to have them here and love and care for them, but I"m happy that I can be mom and be home with my boys and parent my children rather than having someone else do that for all those hours. That brings up another debate that was mentioned above about SAHM and working moms...again, I see both sides of the fence and the only shoes WE are walking in are our OWN and it's sad when people try to make decisions or say mean things when they are not walking in the other persons shoes.
Anyway, hugs to you girls who have been hurt by your choice to not have kids and hugs to you girls who want to be moms but aren't, and hugs to us who work hard everyday for our kids (and other's kids) God Bless us One and ALL!!!!!
It seems like most of the stampers here have kids. Are there any of you out there like me that are single or not moms?
Well here is a non-mum stamper too. We choosed NOT to have children. We like them but we also have a very good live just the 2 of us. I am 35 now and to be honest, now that I am used to it would really be very strange if I got pregnant and we ould have a baby. Of course it would be welcome in that situation but if your live is not counted on that anymore it is a big turn to the other side.
__________________ Greetz (a)Nouk.
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God made us with two hands so we could stamp and eat chocolate at the same time!
NON MOM!!! Right now if I had kids it would take away from stamping time and that is the only stress relief I have right now. Sounds awful, but at least I am honest about being selfish with my me time.
Couldn't Stop Myself!
