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...you don't get any affirmation on your creations?
I am lucky to receive a "hmm" on the majority of what I make. Not a pleasant and musical "hmmmmm" but an Eeyore type of "hmm". Maybe twice this past year I got an "I like this one".
I made a half dozen different designs for Christmas cards with 4-10 of each. I had little feedback on any of them (on one, the comment was "hmm, snowmen") There were plenty to send to all our family and close friends...but only about 6 got sent out this year. And most of what I made the past few months I didn't even photograph and upload because I was so discouraged.
Give me some feedback...I value all of your opinions. I'm frustrated beyond measure.
is the person who is saying... hmmm... do they have any hobbies?
do they try to share them with you?
maybe they need one if they don't have one so, they get the whole you would like some words (even the not so great ones) when you are flashing them something you put your heart into. ??
I'm right there with you. I can't change the response of others, but I can change my own attitude. Here's what I've decided.....First, I continue crafting because I enjoy it and Second, I won't be that person that isn't grateful for the efforts of others. Oh, and there are people in my life that I only send store bought cards to
My first thought was to wonder who you were looking to for validation. If it was a guy, then stop right there - most of them don't give a flying fig, and "hmmm" is a normal response. My DH has a standard reply, "That's nice, honey". If I get more than that out of him I'm thrilled. If he has anything like a question in his tone, I know he's not diggin' it...
If it's friends, then I have to wonder what they do with their free time. If it's people who were previously enthused, then I'm wondering if they're jaded at this point, or if something else is going on (maybe they wish they were creative? usually critics are envious).
I've always thought that you had a lovely gallery (although I don't visit it - or anyone else's - with much regularity). I say that the BEST reinforcement is right here on Splitcoast. Keep uploading and joining challenges and all of that. As long as you still love it, THAT is the ONLY opinion that matters!!!
__________________ ~ Sue Happy for no reason...
Last edited by gregzgurl; 01-15-2015 at 05:38 PM..
Oh - forgot to answer the original question, "what do you do if..." I challenge myself to try something out of my comfort zone so I can remind myself why I'm doing this in the first place - to keep the muse happy!
Wow - I'm surprised Diane - your work is lovely and you have such a distinct style. As a matter of fact, a few hours ago I posted one of your cards on our FB page - LOL!
Here's what I'd say, and I know I'm an outlier here...
I create art because I love to do it and it makes me happy. I honestly truly do not value my work based on what other people think of it, because I had fun making it.
If you cooked something and it turned out that someone didn't eat it because they didn't like horseradish or peanuts or broccoli, you wouldn't take that personally. Some people don't like snowmen, or the color green, or glitter. Some people don't have hobbies and don't understand how fun things are to make.
I wouldn't take that on as criticism at all.
You are a very talented lady and I think you should just treasure the creative process and consider the people who don't like it "allergic"
Wow - I'm surprised Diane - your work is lovely and you have such a distinct style. As a matter of fact, a few hours ago I posted one of your cards on our FB page - LOL!
Here's what I'd say, and I know I'm an outlier here...
I create art because I love to do it and it makes me happy. I honestly truly do not value my work based on what other people think of it, because I had fun making it.
If you cooked something and it turned out that someone didn't eat it because they didn't like horseradish or peanuts or broccoli, you wouldn't take that personally. Some people don't like snowmen, or the color green, or glitter. Some people don't have hobbies and don't understand how fun things are to make.
I wouldn't take that on as criticism at all.
You are a very talented lady and I think you should just treasure the creative process and consider the people who don't like it "allergic"
(I'm allergic to horseradish btw )
Wonderful words, Lydia!
Diane, I hope you take what Lydia said to heart! You make lovely, distinctive cards. If someone is not appreciative, it really is on them.
__________________ Bugga in OK
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." Dalai Lama
I keep creating....I make cards because it relaxes me. I do like positive feedback and it can be discouraging to not receive some, but ultimately if I like it I don't give a flying fig if the recipient doesn't, because obviously they can't appreciate the time, effort or love put into it. I also find fellow stampers/crafters are the most appreciative. Keep calm and stamp on Diane, your gallery is fabulous!
I personally don't give a flying fig whether someone says something or not. I enjoy making cards. There are a few I send cards to that call every time they receive one. One friends says she has everyone I have sent her. The others don't get it but that's okay. I did scratch my SIL off my card list when she made a snippy comment about one. This woman appreciates handmade items. She just didn't care for that one and that's fine but don't say anything then. She rubs me wrong anyway so doesn't take much.
Is it nice to get compliments on our creations, sure it is. When my friend calls and gushes over a card it gives me a warm an fuzzy feeling, no matter how ugly the card was.
As long as you are enjoying what you're doing that's all that is important.
What is your 'baby' to you doesn't necessarily have the same value to others, and some people don't have a sense of showing appreciation just because it is important to you.
My little Scottie girl Jenna passed last year. I was devastated, still am, cry daily almost! I don't have kids and she was my baby girl. But there are lots of people who think "it's just a dog" or some other comments I got were "At least you still have Mackie" (her littermate brother), or the best one: "At least you have a husband. I'm single and would be completely alone." Oh yeah cuz that makes me feel soooo much better. A lot of people aren't very good at putting themselves in another's shoes.
This is your craft, your art. I'm sure you put heart and soul into it. Who am I to judge what the relative value of it is?! Before anybody goes "Hmm", they should try to stand in your shoes for a moment, and see it through your eyes. It's not just a piece of paper. Better yet, they should think about what has value to them, and how they would like people to react. It's not chewed up bubblegum on the sole of your shoe! And who knows, maybe there is a chewed up bubblegum collector out there who would be dismayed. :lol: My two cents.
Your cards are truly lovely. And I understand what you mean. When I buy a gift for someone or make a card for someone, I get so excited. I put so much thought into the process, and I can't wait to see if the recipient likes it. Unfortunately, most people are very busy and wrapped up in their own day-to-day dramas. They think "nice card" and just keep moving.
I know this is awful, but sometimes I do follow up and ask, "Did you get the card? Did you notice it was handmade? Did you like it?"
I've been guilty of not noticing too. My sister sent an anniversary card to me and my husband. I thought, "oh, that's nice," and then forgot about it. Then she called and asked me how I had liked the special card she picked out. Oops! We have a parrot, and she had found a card in the store with a pair of lovebirds on the front. (She doesn't make cards.) She put a lot of love into selecting the card, but it got lost in the daily shuffle of my life -- work, dishes, laundry, bills, etc. I'm glad she called me. It now has a place of honor on my refrigerator.
Maybe we all still need our works of art hung up by loved ones
Kim, I'm so sorry for your loss. Animals have such tremendous personalities. They really are "people" in their own right.
We live with a small bird, who has a big personality. He sleeps in my husband's shirt, says "I love you," and generally bosses us around. We hope he sticks around for a long time.
It's always nice to receive compliments, but like other posters have stated, I do this because I love it! Creating cards makes me happy, whether people comment or not.
Karen S
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I don't expect anyone to acknowledge my cards. But a thoughtless remark like hmmm??? In a questioning or bored tone would be upsetting.
I have gotten some nice feedback from family and co-workers. My cousin never once acknowledged my cards in the last eight years. This year at Christmas she wrote thanks for the lovely card....your cards are truly works of art. That was so nice to hear. I'm sure all along she liked them.
You never really know how people may really feel. More than likely they appreciate your thoughtfulness. I know my 92 yr old aunt really loves them! She does tell me.
I periodically send a "let's go shopping" card to my BFF with shoes or clothes on it. I have a special stamp that says...Don't you think it's time for some retail therapy? She has never once acknowledged those cards. But I will keep sending them!
I did have my BFF from childhood say "show off" when discussing my cards. I stopped sending her cards. Mainly I never want my cards to be a burden. Like in oh, great here comes another card.
My daughter is not a "keeper" and I told her to toss them. They're just paper. But for quite awhile she did keep them. I don't want people to feel like they have to keep them.
My SU demo never mentions the cards I send to her. I Know for sure she appreciates them. She is a busy full time working mom though, with three kids still in grade school.
Your cards are lovely Fionna. Please keep positive. Some people show appreciation, some don't. Many still love our cards. I'm sure there are some who don't give a damn about our cards and maybe even think they are a silly pastime.
Usually it's a win-win. I get so much out of creating cards and then there's the friends I've made because of stamping and the people I send cards to know I'm thinking of them and have taken the time to create something for them.
If I wasn't a stamper and got a homemade card.....I bet I wouldn't go out of my way to tell the creator. I bet I would have no idea what went into that card.
__________________ All I want is the chance to prove money won't make me happy!
I have given my sister and cousin the URL to my gallery here. That's my feedback - friends and family.
And I find the best feedback comes from doing the challenges. I�m hearing from other people who did the challenge, and I comment a lot more on their cards because I get an email telling me someone posted to the challenge. There were rules to follow so you see how others incorporated those rules � giving me something to say other than �hmm� snowmen� � and I�ve gotten a very similar comment (must be the same inarticulate sub-primate individual) and laughed.
People here are wonderful. But they should not be your primary cheerleaders or mirror.
Thanks for all your encouragement. I don't have a difficulty with the recipient. Some love my cards, some don't. My difficulty has been with my husband, who has a miniscule window of "acceptability"...in practically everything. While I mentally understand his negative and critical attitude, that's hard to accept in the heart.
I'll keep creating and I'm joining in on beginning a card ministry in our women's ministry at church. I'm not giving up yet!
Thanks for all your encouragement. I don't have a difficulty with the recipient. Some love my cards, some don't. My difficulty has been with my husband, who has a miniscule window of "acceptability"...in practically everything. While I mentally understand his negative and critical attitude, that's hard to accept in the heart.
I'll keep creating and I'm joining in on beginning a card ministry in our women's ministry at church. I'm not giving up yet!
Oh I understand... mine is less than enthusiastic as well. Hmmm is a pretty stock response so I don't even ask him or show him very many. If hobbies don't revolve around hunting or whatever manly pursuits he enjoys, he simply can't show much interest.
Just the way it is; I don't like it but that is what it is.
As far as here on SCS, there has been a marked decrease in comments in the gallery over the years since I started. I admit that I now post on Pinterest and wham! the repins are very quick and yes, gratifying. Plus I can post from my phone where I have taken the picture.
If Splitcoast had an app that I could use to upload from, I probably still would. Any hope for that in the future
Diane - dear friends of mine, also retired educators, recently moved to SC. I'm working on a "new home" card for these former snow people. I called to check on the status of their transition (we've know each other since 1973!), and in the course of the conversation, she asked me where I got my cards, and how much they appreciated receiving them over the years for birthdays, anniversaries, hello, holidays, etc. Just being asked made my day, and when I told her I was into card-making even more since retiring, she continued with compliments. She doesn't have crafty hobbies, and appreciates the time people spend on creating items she cannot do. These, and other comments of support, keep me crafting. Family and friends don't always notice - or at least say anything - but they know the greetings are from my heart. The younger ones look for the monetary gift from their auntie, which is always hidden in the card's design.
I make canned preserves and relishes, and usually did big baskets for the holiday gifts. One year, the appreciation dwindled and I thought "Oh well, this phase has passed for them." I changed the gift for the following year, and you can imagine the voices of discontent! I noted that they seemed indifferent the year before, so I didn't present the jars of goodies. The message was received, and while I no longer do the large baskets, they appreciated the samples this holiday.
I think we need to affirm what comes from the heart, with each other and within ourselves. I need to get back my crafting mojo, especially since PA's wintry mixes leave me at home! Keep creating, Diane. It does a body good! Diane
Diane my hubby always gave a non committal grunt or that's nice about my cards, then I found out he would talk about how nice they are to others, even getting me orders now (probably has figured out what my stamp room is worth, lol) Just saying maybe your negative hubby is secretly proud?
After all these years of creating cards, I still only get thoughtful comments from my inlaws and parents and a close friend. Comment form everyone else is nonexistent.
I have found that if I send hand made cards and expect a comment, it will NEVER come.
I do this for me, not anyone else. Yes it is always wonderful to receive acknowledgement of the card, but I very rarely get acknowledgement that the card was ever received.
Out of the 30 hand made Christmas cards that I sent out, I only received 2 acknowledgements, yep, only 2.
I do have a list of people that get store bought cards though, I don't make cards for certain people.
Oh, I forgot. My daughter, son and hubby all love the cards I make. They expect hand made cards from me. I always get lovin' comments from them.
Just create for your self, that is all that matters.
__________________ The quickest way for a parent to get a child's attention is to sit down and look comfortable. Practice safe eating always use condiments
Last edited by lesliespringer; 01-15-2015 at 07:58 AM..
I will apologize first when I say, who gives two hooty smooties about negative comments from people. We here at Splitcoast, are your friends. Critical people have nothing better to do and cant see the beauty in the world. I have friends who save all my cards and I also ones who toss them after they recieve it. I create because it's what I do. I'm critical enough of my own work. I haven't posted in the gallery in years because I can't compete with the fantastic work I've seen. I just like to peek around get ideas.
You keep doing what makes you happy. Life is just too short to be squashed by negativity. Chin up and smile.
I just looked at your gallery and your cards and they are gorgeous and each one is so different. Just keep doing what you are doing; you are a very talented lady.
Sending you a big hug and lots of love.
LOVE all of the kind and considerate comments....one of my favorite things about SCS! I adore Diane's cards and consider her my Pinterest soulmate. I'm so happy that she is receiving so many hugs from this wonderful community. I am also reminded to take the moment to appreciate when someone does something for me.
I love your cards. In fact I have used several to go by, when making my own.
I use to get upset with my DH, when I first started out making cards. He criticized them for everything. If I had more bottom layer showing on one side than the other, if it wasn't in the center on the base, if the image wasn't the color he thought it should be, if the paper wasn't right etc...... But then I realized that he thought that was what I was asking for, him to criticize it, so that I could do better next time. So I just stopped showing them to him!!!LOL
Some people might be jealous of your talent and really don't want to praise your work, because of their jealously.
Just craft the way you want to and let those people be crappy!!!LOL
My husband always loves the cards I make and is constantly asking for one for any number of reasons.... and it does make me feel good. However, for years I've made beautiful Christmas cards and written a big letter to go with them. One couple always sent us a card just signed. No note, Hi... how are you... or anything. One year I didn't send them a card and guess who called and asked my husband what happened to my beautiful card that year??? Go figure. So, my hobby makes me happy and that's why I do it. Maybe, just maybe, a card will bless someone, give cheer where needed or just make someone's day a bit brighter.... whether it's ever acknowledged or not.
Diane, just want you to know the quote above (can't remember from who or where) is what I want for you. Sorry you get discouraged - hey, you are human and I understand. I also want you to know that I've watched for you since I started here on SCS and always look at your work. Love it. I like others must remember to comment more here. Please continue to create, Diane.
__________________ My word for the year 2024 is CLEAR
I love the "inarticulate sub-par primate" description too. I have a friend who refers to "testosterone infused life forms". I think men often don't appreciate things like beautiful cards. When that person is your partner in life and the card is your work of art and your creative expression that really hurts. It can feel like he doesn't understand and appreciate who you are. In reality it's probably just that he doesn't understand the importance to you. Keep in mind how much the people here who do "get it" love what you create.
I know it can be really frustrating, especially since cards are things we make for other people. It is nice to hear positive things about something we love doing and creating.
Most of my friends don't give a flip about stamping, cards, or scrapbooking. I also haven't posted on my blog in quite a while since it didn't seem like anyone was looking :(
I've come to accept that I love the process and it makes ME happy, so I'm going to keep doing it. I've taken a long break from stamping and I am getting excited about starting again!
You have such beautiful and unique cards in your gallery, so don't ever stop!
Diane, just want you to know the quote above (can't remember from who or where) is what I want for you. Sorry you get discouraged - hey, you are human and I understand. I also want you to know that I've watched for you since I started here on SCS and always look at your work. Love it. I like others must remember to comment more here. Please continue to create, Diane.
Good quote! It comes from the title of a very popular book by Thomas Harris, called "I'm OK, You're OK." It was published in 1969 and I am sure it helped a lot of people, myself included, lol.
Here is a small quote:
"Happy childhood" notwithstanding, says Harris, most of us are living out the Not ok feelings of a defenseless child, dependent on ok others (parents) for stroking and caring. At some stage early in our lives we adopt a "position" about ourselves and others that determines how we feel about everything we do. And for a huge portion of the population, that position is "I'm Not OK - You're OK." This negative "life position," shared by successful and unsuccessful people alike, contaminates our rational Adult capabilities, leaving us vulnerable to inappropriate emotional reactions of our Child and uncritically learned behavior programmed into our Parent. By exploring the structure of our personalities and understanding old decisions, Harris believes we can find the freedom to change our lives."
__________________ Bugga in OK
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." Dalai Lama
That quote from the book is So True. It is how we are made, to look for approval from people near to us. We NEED love from people we live around.
Diane, have you told your husband how much his criticism hurts you? He may not have every thought about it, because it's his 'right' to criticize whatever he wants to. My father was very critical; I NEVER heard him say anything positive about, or to, me. As an adult I lost about 30 lbs, and when he saw me, all he had to say was, "Well you've got a ways to go." (Actually about 10 lbs more). I looked him in the eye and said, "Do you have any idea how much that hurts me?" He was Dumfounded...First that I would 'talk back' to him, and Second, that he never thought about his words hurting someone! Men are just CLUELESS. People are Selfish, doing only what they want to do. My DIL will NOT say thanks for anything, and I was concerned that my gifts were just stupid (however, they really did need new sheets). But I prayed about it, and came to understand that she will not say thank you because she believes it would show her in an inferior position....that she would be 'beholding' to anyone she thanked.
ONE MORE THING....people just don't have any manners. When I grew up we understood that every communication required a response: Someone sent you a letter you acknowledged it...someone sent you a card in the mail, you thanked them for it the next time you saw them or called. We were taught to Be Nice and Kind. If you didn't like a gift (read 'card' here) you found something kind to say about it, or about the giver. I'm trying to teach my grandkids some manners, but 5 of them are boys, and not much interested.
YOU HAVE TO PLEASE YOURSELF WITH YOUR ART. Let the grumpy, selfish, un-artistic people go be boring.
This rant is over.
I am the first to admit that I am totally into external validation. It's what keeps me creating, so yes, when you get that one person who doesn't give you that, but instead decides that you need or are looking for a critique instead, it can be quite frustrating.
One thing I have learned is that men look at things differently. If you go to a man upset about something and looking for a hug, instead they will try to tell you how to fix it. That is just how most men are. And it's the same when you show them something you made. To them, you want their opinion on how to improve it, so they give that to you.
In addition, a lot of people were raised not to praise others too highly, especially their children, and those children went on to behave the same way. I'd have to say the person who was most like this was my MIL, but while she might have been seemingly grudging in her praise, if I didn't send a card she wanted to know why, and one time told me she enjoyed getting them and thought they were beautiful.
I'm lucky to have a husband who is creative in his own right, and so if I show him a card, he usually tells me how great he thinks it is. But if he didn't, I probably wouldn't bother to show any to him and would instead turn to people who do appreciate a good card for my validation "fix". And certainly, you'll get that here.
I'm lucky enough to get lots of feedback on my Christmas cards. Maybe, because I send them out near the beginning of December. I get little notes in the cards coming in that they enjoy my handmade cards each year, and how pretty they are. The rest of the year....meh.
I've learned over the years who appreciates my work and who doesn't.
And honestly, I refuse to spend my precious time, effort and resources on them. And I'm not just talking cards here........ I'm talking quilts, afghans and memory albums.
So they are officially on my **** list. And by the way, it is not a secret list either.
They know who they are, they know they have hurt my feelings, and they know to expect nothing but mass produced, off the shelf gifts.
I include a gift receipt with every Wal-Mart purchase I make for them.
So screw em.
__________________ A good dog, a sewing machine, and an old guitar......
One thing I have learned is that men look at things differently. If you go to a man upset about something and looking for a hug, instead they will try to tell you how to fix it. That is just how most men are. And it's the same when you show them something you made. To them, you want their opinion on how to improve it, so they give that to you.
This is so, so true! Early in our marriage (second time for both of us) any time I got upset and was crying, my husband would get angry. This (obviously) was NOT the response that was helpful, and it took awhile to find out what was going on. Turns out he wasn't angry at me, he was angry because he felt powerless to "fix it". I had to train him to just give me a hug and tell me everything would be okay (even if it was a blatant lie). He's much, much better now... ;)
I had to laugh when I got as far as Sue asking you if you were expecting affirmation and positive input from a man/your husband, Diane. I think mostly she's right, it's not where to look for it!
I'm lucky in that mine is interested (and there are cards he won't let me send because he likes them too much, although I've sneaked a few out without him noticing). When I make one he really really likes, he says "If I made a card like that, I'd tell the world". Of course I have already shared it with my world here ;-).
I have to say he's the same when it comes to food, too - he is so appreciative and always says thank you and how much he likes it (and I know when he doesn't really like something, from his lack of enthusiasm). I'm grateful for this too since I know many women who say they get neither thanks nor appreciation for all their work in the kitchen.
Create for yourself and your own pleasure first, and then just enjoy any affirmation you get here. I know the challenges get more comments; it's always an extra to get comments on a card I've uploaded that I made just for the sheer fun of it.
almost every single non crafter I know thinks homemade cards look....
homemade....
and not in a good way.
we are inundated with the latest trends, some of which are downright wacky to the public ...thread nests, washi tape, etc. even when used well, can look odd to those what aren't used to seeing them all the time.
that said, i'm sorry your husband doesn't give you the validation you want from him. I know my husband ONLY likes primary colors on white paper. That's it. In fact, i post his comments on my cards on my blog because they crack me up.
He's just thrilled my hobby keeps me less anxious....
__________________ Dear Paperlicious is my blog...with a series on how I'm learning to improve my cardmaking by studying others.
Fiona, I just went and took a look at your gallery. I had that lily of the valley reverse stamp and cased your cards to see if I wanted to keep it. I should have messaged you on that. I love your cards and have used a few for my own cards to CASE>
I'm lucky in that I get enough positive response, from the most random of people including some of my dearest loved ones. I send out over 100 Christmas cards, and a couple of my newest cycling teammates went out of their way to comment.
My husband has every card I've made for him on his desk. He rotates the display, but he is appreciative.
But in the end, I'm not doing this for validation. I'm doing it because I enjoy it.
__________________ aka Sue. Or Sue-odd.
No blog for me. My gallery chronicles my card-making successes and mishaps.
I'm lucky to be like Sue, and get quite a bit of positive responses to my cards. I like to think I would enjoy making them even if no one cared, but who knows, maybe not.
I do know how lovely it is to be appreciated, and I'm grateful for that.
__________________ Bugga in OK
"Be kind whenever possible. It is always possible." Dalai Lama
What do you do if...
Remember: "I'm OK. You're OK"
